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7 Reasons Why it Must Feed (Number 4 Will Surprise You!)

Posted on August 16 2018

7 Reasons Why it Must Feed.

 

Okay, so everyone knows that it must feed, but have we ever stopped to ask why?

Why must it feed?

Why does it scream?

Why has this duty fallen upon us, a clothing company?

Well, worry no more, because we here at Cool Shirtz have put together a handy list of our top 7 reasons why it must feed - read on to find out what they are!

 

1. If it does not feed, it becomes angry.

 

Everyone and their dog knows that when it does not feed, it becomes angry - feeding it allows us to keep the town safe from its wrath, and I think we can all agree we’re better off this way!

 

2. It is our duty, passed down from ancestors long past.

 

Our dad fed it, our grandpa fed it, heck, even his grandpa fed it! Probably! We don’t know! The history of the beast is sketchy at best, but we do know one thing for certain: it must feed.

 

3. Last time it did not feed, it ate Eric.

 

Remember Eric? He was our old social media intern, that we also tasked with feeding the beast! One Sunday eve, he forgot to bring the flesh to the beast, and let’s just say, Eric doesn’t work for us anymore! Or at all! (Because he is dead.)

 

4. Its spells keep us safe.

 

The beast’s magic is unknown to us, but its power is immeasurable - all we know for sure is that if it does not feed, it will not be able to keep the dark ones at bay, and that’s a big no-no!

 

5. It might be my dad.

 

My mum tells me that she didn’t know who my father was, but that she and the beast had a very close relationship. Would you want your dad to go hungry? I think not! This is why it must feed.

 

6. It comes up with like, 90% of our shirt ideas.

 

The beast is also a primary shareholder in our company.

 

7. It's hungry

 

duh.

 

 

 

 

Hope that clears it up for you!

Have a great day, and remember : always feed the beast. 


For more information on the beast, feel free to follow us on Facebook or Twitter, where we regularly post updates on the current status, whereabouts and form of the beast.

 

4 comments

  • Dale Roberts: August 18, 2018

    OK

  • Hector: August 16, 2018

    But does it d r i n k?

  • Robert: August 16, 2018

    I completely agree with this, change is scary as fuck man. I remember every year after a good harvest me and my family would walk our own livestock down to the beasts cave and say our goodbyes to our furry, cud chewing friends, promptly one of cool shirtz employees would come take it and give us our sticker box reward and we’d leave, I continue that tradition to this day with my own children. Its a great bonding experience really

  • me: August 16, 2018

    nice

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