Posted on August 13 2018
The Top 5 YouTubers That You're Not Watching (Because You're a Dumb, Ignorant Asshole)
So it's Monday night - you've just gotten off work from your dumbass, bullshit job and now you're going to go home, boot up YouTube, and watch some god damn idiotic garbage.
Maybe you'll chuck on some Pewdiepie, or some H3H3, because hey - they're popular! And god knows you won't give anyone with less than a million subscribers a chance, because really, who has time for that?
Not you! You're too busy being a dense, brainless parasite.
But it doesn't have to be like that.
We, the intellectuals at Cool Shirtz, have spent our precious hours finding only the most secret, high-quality YouTubers - some so rare, they don't even have merch yet.
So strap in, as we count down 5 YouTubers, that you're not watching - because you're a Dumb, Ignorant Asshole.
#5 - Worth a Watch?
Coming in with just 732 subscribers at the time of writing, Tom from Worth a Watch is undoubtedly the smallest YouTuber to grace this list - but his cheeky and well-written 30 second movie reviews are sure to garner him much further popularity in future, and are perfect for impatient, witless fools such as yourself.
His style is different from most film reviewers on the website, opting for quick and to-the-point appraisals rather than long critiques - if you're a fan of films and don't want to skip through a lengthy review just to find out if the movie is worth a watch (ha), then Tom is your man.
#4 - Third Leg Studios
Although skit comedy may seem like a thing of this past for the platform thanks to bludgeoning nitwits like you that would much rather watch someone react to a video than to see something actually original, Third Leg Studios are certainly making a case for its return.
Presenting punchy, topical comedy videos a couple of times a month - these boys have been hard at work perfecting their craft, and are currently sitting at a cool 46k subscribers. Their videos are always well-written, well-acted, and reliably surprising with their punchlines - if you're looking for a quick, relatable laugh, then have a look at Third Leg.
#3 - wavywebsurf
With the rise of commentary YouTubers, it seems like commenting on content is becoming even more viable than content itself - but numbers don't lie, and we can't deny that hearing people talk about drama is absolutely entertaining, especially for vapid imbeciles like you.
And what could be more entertaining than hearing the latest topical issues analayzed by the comforting southern drawl (ok, he doesn't have that much of an accent) of wavywebsurf?
Fairly new to the YouTube game, Wavy has earned a name for himself by being a laid-back voice of reason in the commentary community. His series Your Merch Sucks sees him reviewing the merch of fellow creators, and his refreshingly candid deconstructions of the merchandising attempts of personalities such as Ninja and VideoGameDunkey will be a treat for anyone with an interest in fashion, and the YouTube community as a whole.
If you're looking for some commentary with a bit of added ~waviness~, then give your boy wavy a sub, you idiot.
#2 - Tash Wolf
Representing a chiller side of YouTube, Sydney-based Tash Wolf takes a camera and a white wall, then lets her guitar do the talking. And while this may mean there's no flashy lights and cuts to curb your pathetically short attention span, you can at least put her on on the background while you consume yet another meme review in another window.
With little production value, but lots of talent - Tash's renditions add a brilliant, unique and jazzy spin to popular tunes, with a couple of originals thrown in for good measure. If you feel like chilling out and watching someone absolutely shred the guitar, then Wolf down some of Tash's content, you piece of human garbage.
Simon De Wit, otherwise known by his stage name Blanks, is the most prominent YouTuber on this list, with a cozy 168k subscribers at the time of writing, but admit it - you've never watched a single one of his videos, you ignorant piece of dirt.
Focusing primarily on music, Blanks uploads a combination of original tunes, and how to videos on recreating popular tracks. One of his most recent uploads, "If BETTER NOW by POST MALONE was an 80s HIT!", garnered him widespread attention for his reworking of Post Malones popular single into a bopping 80s anthem.
Subscribe to him right now, so you can say you were there early when he blows up, because I bet you're the kind of person who cares about things like that.
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